Monday, September 14, 2015

A Toy's Heart


I stood there waiting for you to pick me
My glass eyes twinkling as you stroke me
My heart’s love leaped for joy
Here is my own boy to love!

Your hugs of sorrow held me tight
Night after night.
I would give anything to make that right.

I felt your bleeding heart and my own ached
Scissors I took to heartbeat making patches
And sewed them to yours

Now I’m bleeding stuffing
Kissing each of your holes closed
My holes held by threads
Patchwork heart

Now my job’s done
And you’re whole again
Ready to take on the world
And love again.

Patchwork heart I have
Love I gave, no strings
Now the holes sting
As you move away.

Losing stuffing along the way
Set back on the shelf up and away
Watching my own precious boy
Playing strong, living, loving

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Alone

I am alone.

I’m alone, I whisper in the dark.
I’m alone.

World filled with Billions and
I’m alone.

No connections
Nothing touches me
Lonely
Utterly Lonely

I am alone.
In the Dark reaches of the world.

With a blink all that I had
Was gone.

Woke up to the truth
I am alone.

No connections anywhere
I walk.
Alone in the quiet.
Heart beats
Not for anyone.

I woke up
Ripped from all
I knew.

Illusions fell
Like scales from my eyes.

I pass by the living
Like a ghost
Unseen.

Stalking the dark reaches
Spying in on the living
Wanting what they have
That connection they feel

Separated from it all
This is a living death.

This is what it means
To be alone.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Last Call

Retreat, I hear it now
The battle horn calls to me
Retreat, this battle can not be won

I hear it now calling me
Filling me, moving me
Retreat, the battle horn calls me

No need to regroup,
No need to charge forward in battle
The tide has turned
The battle’s been lost

Retreat, I hear it now
Love won’t win this time
Retreat.

All’s been lost this day.
Wave surrender
Or Retreat

Leaving my heart on the battlefield
Retreat and save my skin
This night
The battle’s been lost

Retreat
The battle’s been lost.

Gone you've left me behind

All I have left is memories
Of what we were

Lost I have
Pieces of what not’s there

Gone you’ve been
Leaving me

How do I walk out the door?
To close this chapter
Of a life not lived.

All I have are memories
Of what might have been

Gone you’ve left me behind
Waiting on my knees
Counting time
Endlessly

I forgot

I forgot to tell you
How much your silence is hurting me..
I know you’ve moved on

I see your life
As just glimpses when I peek
Yet I forgot to tell you

I love you and I know you don’t love me too.
It’s alright.

I say that now but it’s killing me.
Watching you with her
Seeing the smiles
You at peace I never could bring you.

It’s alright I tell you. I’m happy for you.
I forgot to tell you,
It’s killing me, loving you as you love her
And not me.

One day soon, I drift away
Saying I’m happy for you, you know.
It’s alright, it’s great. I’m okay.

Deep inside I’m dying,
I forgot to tell you,
I wish she was me.

Tears are easy

Tears are easy
Sorrys are hard
Love me or hate me
It’s not hard

One day I want to look back
And see how far I’ve come
What will that road look like
Twisted, burnt out wreck?
Paved with solid stones?

One day I want to look back
And see you looking back at me
Lift my hand to wave
As a smile cross my face

Tears are easy
Sorrys are hard
Love me or hate me
It’s not hard

It’s never the path
We thought it would be

Tears are easy
Sorrys are hard

Hard


Turn not your eyes on the path behind
For sight won't tell you what you already know
I Left behind a piece of me that day
Leaving you behind, tearing me in two.

How to let go when all I want to do is hold on?
No hope, no chance, no reason.
you will not turn around and save me.
Even if you did, feral I bite for what effort.

We’ve danced our last dance
And you stormed off the floor
Left me spinning round and round

Lost my steps as I stumbled forward
Each foot one more further than yesterday
Stabbing my heart, cutting me out of you

You’re an infection, a disease
Swarming my mind
Taking me over
Never allowing me to forget

Oh sweet slumbering Bliss,
To forget
All the times we had
All good and bad

Breaking me, breaking my fingers
Breaking souls, hearts and mind
Never wanting to look back
Turned my head, I did.

Can I claw my eyes out?
Yet I’d still see.
What is this madness
That infects me?

It must be over!
I said I was done!
Time has come and gone.
Let go already!
Let go damn you!

Let me go, please.
Not trapped in this place
Thorns hold me still here
Cutting me deep, carving my skin
Letting Ruby drops fall
Escaping softly
Is this peace?

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Bubble

Glass bubble,
Daddy held up high
Throwing it to the ground
Shattered in two

He thought it was good

Summer comes and goes
Days wane past
years grow

Double bubble holds
Tight..
Grasping He takes hold
And Shatters
Little splinters off

Double sits wailing
Bleeding glass
Sweeping the pieces
To glue back together

Four Bubbles rock
Back and forth
Holding on
Shattered
Prismatic light
Rainbows across the sky
Shattered bubble

He took the Bubble
Tossed it to
The ground.

He thought it was good

But it bounced
Giggles
It Bounced.

Bubbles
Prismatic light
Rainbows

One Bubble stands
Bouncing
One.

And She said
It is Good.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy

I’m scared.
The rains pour down.
Thunder shakes the ground
and I hide under the bed.
I see your footsteps looking for me.
Daddy can’t you see?
I’m afraid of you.

Don’t find me
I whisper
Tucked in the corner
Holding tight
To my fears

I’m afraid of you
Daddy.

I huddle
Hidden

Caged

In the corner of her mind, a solitary cage cloaked in shadows, build of pain, lined with tears, perfumed with anger and rage, bars thick with dried blood, desperation rolls around it in dark malevolent clouds, sits.

She sits across from it, staring at it as rage builds up inside.
“This is where you want me to go?”
“This place you delight in!?”
“You want to see me suffer!?”

She turns her face, shuttering as she turns in on herself.
Retreating from the facts before her.

Would scrubbing the bars remove the dried blood?
Would sweeping out the desperation remove the stains?
Would adding light purify instead?

It’s still a cage of suffering, no matter how pretty it’s made to be.
 Be it built of thorns instead of blood, a cage it still would be.

She swept, she scrubbed, she let the light in.
She climbed into the cage and sat down and looked around
The world was stripped and she could not reach it.
Eye went black, convulsing, spinning, falling apart

Rage and terror threatens to tear her apart
Stilling life as breath ceases
Eyes open slowly seeking


The door was still open and heart beating fast.
Beating fast, hard, hands touch the latch and she steps out
And breaths.

Changed, not the same.
Can she go there again and again?
To sit in the place of deep sorrows?

How can this be what it means to Me?

Anything Everything Nothing

I never wanted Anything
Too far to reach for me
Hoped I was Everything
You needed, instead.

Reached, bent, molded
Shape does not keep
 Some ways I do not change
It is not me to be Anything

All I wanted was to be
Everything you Needed.
Instead I am
Nothing.

Nothing at all
Not as you Need
Not as you want
Not Anything at all.

Personal Myths

I am…

I am a seed.
Blasted by fire
Wildfires burned my soul

The soft black ash
Home
Wet rains pour
Reaching past the
Burnt shell

Quenching the thirst
Filling me up
Stirring
Movement
Life

I reach for the sky.
I reach for the ground

I reach for the sky
I reach for the ground

I stretch
Worshiping the
Sun.

I am a Wildflower

Wildflower
Fallon field
Unnoticed
Unkept
Unwanted

A last Wildflower Blooming
Unfolding
Unclosed
Unknown
Unseen.

Hidden beauty
Hidden treasure
Hidden life
Loving the sun.

I am the wild Mustang

Running
Across the prairie sky

My heart beats hard as my hooves hit dry ground
Pounding fast, beating the dark sky
As I fly across the earth..
Running, running, running
Flying free.

I am free
I am wild
I am fierce

I am alone.

I shook off the harness
I shook off the bridle
I spit the bite out of my teeth
I’ve shaken my mane
The blinders have fallen
Un broken

The gate is jumped
Feel me
I am free
Running wild
Into the wind

The pounding sky
The thunder ground
Under me
Flying fast and free

I can not be caged
I can not be kept
I am free.

She Was

She Was,

“Let Me Go” she cried.
And his fingertips slowly slip away…

The wild can not be caged.
The river flows.
The hawk soars the bright high thermals.
And Wildflowers bloom between the cracks.

“I love you like the earth loves the sun.” She whispers in the thin air.
Fading as the distance grows
And nights grow long, she goes.

“You said you were Anything” he cried out.
Shouting his pain, anger and rage
As she slipped away

To become the rain.

His Anything.

The mirror in the woodshed

Somewhere out in the Lost Woods stands a woodshed, all alone covered in brambles and vines, hidden away from prying eyes. It has stood there since forever and will stand there till the end of time. No paths search for it, no roads come near it. Only the wild and lost ever find it.

I would like to tell you that it’s empty but it’s not. It holds the most fearful object ever encountered; a soul’s mirror. It’s a tiny little sliver of glass broken from a great big mirror lying on the dirt floor. Yet one glance of it’s shiny surface can destroy you.

For within the reflection all is brought clear; the shattered become whole, the whole become broken, the child grows, the old become young, the dead live and living die. Nothing stays the same. For the mirrors shows us as we see ourselves as we are, as we can become, as we want to be.

Somewhere in the Lost Dark I cradle a shard of glass searching, searching searching for Me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Through The Fire

Does the ore say
Thank You
to the smelter?

Does the sword say
Thank You
to the grindstone?

Does the wheat
miss the chaff
after sifting?

Thank You
For Being

The smelter
The grindstone
The basket

Refined I am.
Just a seed.

Does the planter
nurture?
water?
worry?

I am planted
In Fertile ground.
I grow.

I grow.
I seek.
I strech.
I be.

I needed
Fire
to be
Free.