Tuesday, August 10, 2010

At trails end

Trail blazer, star bright
like a comet in the night,
hitter come and hitter gone
as far as dragons roam along.
Never-ending dreams a man
of a magical land.
By thy will
this life is lived
with love and passion
deeply fulfilled.
Upon this twilight of a new dawn
one’s man’s life
reflects it all.
Dragon hearted and loyal too,
This world will miss you.

Isaac Bonewits, may your star burn forever bright.

Friday, July 23, 2010

My Personal Prayer

Heal me please.
Oh please ease a little pain.
Oh Lord take away my torments
dress my mortal wounds.
My heart greaves me so
ripped apart by so many.
I am open. I am torn.
I hurt deep down inside.
My belly retches, an sick
Oh Please ease this – this burden
for I cannot carry it all.
I am drowning underneath it.
Oh Lord grant me please if nothing
else strength to bear it all
so that I not cower
under it all.

Grant me love.
Oh Lord please
grant me……wholeness.
I want to be whole.

written: Oct. 11. 1999

I Terror

I startle at unexpected sounds.
Quick unknown movements race my heart.
I never feel safe.

I watch everyone. Everyone is a danger
to me. I don’t know who they are.
I want to be left alone. I want to be safe.

Safe was innocence long ago.
I am not safe.
Someone is out there
who wants to me harm again.
He is out there waiting, as I wait
inside – in the dark, with the unexpected
sounds and the sudden movement of shadows.

I don’t dream, I nightmare.
I live in perpetual terror.

Somewhere he is out there – waiting.
I terror.

 

Written: Nov. 2. 1999

After the Police Left.

In the hidden darkness
awaits,
a pain
I’m afraid to face.

I hear it scream,
and scream and scream.

Primal. Horrified.
It screams on.

In the dark, there is no
silence.
In silence the darkness awaits.

I am chilled, frozen still
as  I hear the horror.

It awaits me in the dark,
in the day, in the quiet,
in the noise; it waits.

It is so cold.
I am screaming.

 

Written: Oct 11. 1999

Sunday, July 18, 2010

It’s just a little scribble.

On June 25th, 2010,

A cold sun has risen in summer
and my heart is frozen with fear.

So soon,
I will be leaving.
soon you will be a
distant memory.

Tossed I am on stormy seas
yet I feel not the waves
nor hear the roar of wind.

Will you miss me?
like I have missed you?
will you think of me,
dream of me.

Rainbows fill the sky
yet all I see is gray stripes.
I feel no sweetness, no joy.
no heat, no cold.

Today I decided to leave you.
Today I decided I was done.

How do black clouds exist
with a cold summer sun?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Inescapable Love

May we be friends in the end
anything less is unbearable.

I’m still a romantic fool
to be so in love with you.
Still wishing that I had just
one last kiss goodbye.

Never will I forget
your arms wrapped around me.
Wishing I could stay in your embrace forever.
Wishing I never had to let you go.

This misery is mine to keep.
Your heart was never mine.
Tragedy mares my life and yours.
Each other’s pain of equal depth.

My soul sings to you,
a sirens' song,
irresistible
as before in ages long past.

Am I willing to be a part
of this your life?
Am I willing to set aside my pride?

What a miserable set of choices
before me; to go on painfully as before,
or lock and wall up my very soul
as a balm against this tragedy.

If I run, it is still there, hidden.
If I stay, it cannot be prevented.
Was the choice ever really mine to make?
How much more can I bear?

No matter what the sands of time brings
May we be friends till the end
for nothing less than that
I can bear.

I still love you and always have.
Love is eternal.

The unattainable Man

He has kissed my soft lips
He has touched the depths
of my soul.
He is unattainable.

Pain crosses my eyes
and he sees -
exactly how I feel.
He is unattainable.

We made love,
such unbelievable love,
on a clear moon-lit night.
He is unattainable.

He belongs to someone else,
not to I.
oh how I would wish.
He is unattainable.

I love him so.

written February 10 1997

He walks beside me

I am beside you
as you walk
down that
path you
choose so
long ago.

I am here to catch you
when you fall
on that
path you
choose so
long ago.

I am here to guide you
on the path you
should have
chosen when you
chose that
path so
long ago.

I am here for you.

Written January 16 1997

The Knight at Night

The moon shines brightly over my knight
with his sweet kisses, I feel his might.

I wish and wail but all to no gain,
as I hold the night, I feel pain,

He comes; he goes and I am only his.
I come and I go, yet he is his own.

A lone wolf, that travels at night
is a lover that doesn’t stray,

so I am shunned when
my knight doesn’t stay.

Oh, how so much I loved
when the lone wolf of a lover
was mine during the night.

Written; March 1994

Sweets

Slick smoothes of
satin sheets,
all surrounding with
surrendering pleasure.

One, two, withering
around,
twirling each other’s
sweets.

A marching rhythm
forms,
and with each puff,
huff,
and scream,

they slide against
each other.

Mixing sweat and love.

Those pleasures few and
far between,
each enjoying
sweets.

Written: 1993

Modern Intelligencey

Electrified, stupefied,
in all this jagged metal
concrete, convenience food.
like a super K-mart
mall, shopping by mail
world.

TV convenience, watch it all
day all night all day all night
drain the intelligencey
lost the will to life
another cheese doodle
to the berry satin slick
covered lips.

Never seen an animal, call your
brother gorilla, never seen one
so much snow, white wonderland
frozen – is that pizza done
yes. No comprehension of
starvation, pop a hot pocket
in the microwave, believes
in food. food. food. food.
Ring…..is it hot enough?

Tinkle of shredded metal on
concrete, white bloody screams
in air, is this another
Heavy Metal concert? Oh, it’s
another blasted, planted
who owns it, pipe bomb.
it’s nothing, no fun.

It looks like a movie set
twisted bodies, twisted souls
let’s go to the soda shop-
God knows what happened – gone
crazy today, hey there’s
blood on my Nikes, who
ruined them? Kick that
bloody hand, it put blood on
that Nike, ruined. ruined. ruined.

Twisted, scared, broken metal, like
the soul black, shredded,
shriveled, a glop – are you going
to the mall – cool I’ll go too -
Never will see the way
out of this crapy K-Mart World.

written: January 17 1997

Bonsai

Eroticism, sweet movement
composed,
defining flowing forms.

Clusters reaching out
touching,
God’s air in-branched.

Art of life,
death
composed in-pot.

Entranced by nature,
stunted
by man’s ideas.

written: December 10 1996

Twilight

Autumn’s fall leaves
drifting to the ground
and stately trees
bend down in frown.

And so the Journey begins
of leaves, colors and seasons
so the life slowly dims
and completely clouds reason.

The grove so beautiful sees
autumns gray wake drowning
displacing in things of threes
it’s heartbeat pounding.

The pulse beating, again
waiting as spring freeing
life inbound our friend
autumn's touch of leaves.

written: November 13 1996

Shades of Gray

Dark grayness washes over and consumes. The mist settles over the world, extinguishing life; humanity.

The grayness of the human mind uncolors everything, altering purposes, changing valued principals and destroying.

Gray and shades of gray everywhere, like an unwanted mist settles down on everything, blanketing out beautiful colors and jumbles of life, choked out the redwoods and daisies.

Reducing even the brightest colors to just another Shade of Gray,
and Grayness to all.

Hail Gray!

written: October 18 1996

Survivor of a War

The wounds of my heart
bleed not anymore
and
The breath of my soul
breathes on.

The urn that holds my heart
shines no more, at all.

Shattered, uncontrollably destroyed
by a ruthless wolf
portraying love: in love forever…
Never!

Billions of ashes lay in that urn,
that shines no more,
and the breath of my soul
breaths on.

And in the place where the old heart
used to beat,
a new stronger heart
beats now
maybe forevermore.

written: Sept 30 1996

Observations

Sweet tender moments,
a child’s youthful years,
fly away to neverlands
drifting into memories
reborn by the sparks
of campfires and marshmallows
of their own youthful prodigies.

written:
September 13 1996

My thrill is nature’s raw power….

My thrill is nature’s raw power.
Her beauty, Her lust, Her unexpected
nature.
Rainbows and showers excite me.
Thunderstorms and lighting shows
comfort me.
Strong pounding surf, hot dry sand
all surrounds me in Her lust.
Nature’s luscious body excites my soul.
The curves are lines is all I see.
The tall green covered mountains,
long while waterfalls and black beaches
stuns me with it’s grace.
Smooth white sand, clear wide water
with coral reefs filled with bountiful life
entrance me and holds me still.
Always changing, Her thrill is mine.
Tornadoes, hurricanes, big strong
thunderstorms filled with
striking blue lighting are my thrills.
Mudslides, floods and earthquakes are
neat yet I think just the
unexpected is the greatest thrill
She offers all.

written: September 6 1996

Ode to Christian

Life.
Precious, Life is.
So tender, a young child
The miracle of life
Rests in God’s Hands

Young Child, precious life.
Grow strong with life
Grow strong with God

Your parents pray to God
”Please Guide him to Your love.”

I had lost my own child.
You gave me the chance
to see the miracle
Grow. As you.

I hope the best for you.
I need to see life.
Grow around me.

You gave me life again.
I see as I once saw.

Life, precious as it is
So tender, a young child
The gifts of God.

Written: Feb 24 1995 dedicated to my girlfriend's first born son.

What I could tell you of Pain!

I stood between two men,
(truth and illusion,
and I had not know it
)
and had to choose
which to love or not.

I saw before me
what the future could be
and what it was!

With tow distinctly different people,
I had two chances to change,

My future.

I fought against my own heart,
I tore myself between the two
(illusion and truth,
because I could not see it
.)

There’s no road between, I thought.
What could I tell you of Pain?

My pain bound myself to love,
bound myself (falsely) to someone.

(Had I only known my own
deceitfulness
.)

Pain I felt,
The hands that break and broke.
The bonds that are broken.
Fate’s own hands at play!
With Me!

What could I tell you of Pain!
It hurts!

The heart cries.
The heart breaks.
And, Yet there is only one way to heal.
How?

Time passed, and saw me a little,
Time went on and my heart is
still broken…

Now I see…
Time can not heal
(without….)

My Pain was endless.

He had walked right out the door.
And I thought True Love had
passed me by; (again?!)
I wish it had never touched Me!

At the hand of fate, I was.
”Deal with me kindly.”

Only if I could see what was
and was meant to be, maybe I
could understand….
My Pain.

Endless it felt when no end
was in sight.

(But I learned something
very special,

of things of threes.

Love, Pain and Hope.

All followed each other
where ever they may go
.)

I hadn’t recognized the
Romance
in my heart until…
I felt Pain!

written: April 5 1996 as a composite of four poems that were written on Nov 17 1993.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Spring Follies

dreams fade like
tiny little helicopters
twirling on the breeze

sun rustles spring buds

sap is rising
morning growing
I’m arising
to see the sun

I bend with the blowing
of the sweet grasses
feeling the

the sweet rushes
trampled down
brier patch
and rabbit run

thickets not yet overgrown
I can chase and I can run
See the sights and see the sun

On wings and wind
do turn around
my soul to seek
my soul to ground

In this sky
I do seek prayer
to see the stars
among the air

For in fairness be
my life at stake
I shall soar
with wing and take

my dreams return
and visions burn

Good night good nigh
sweet dreams delight
Let morning Owl
protect you all night

In land of dreams
take delight
I’ll see you in
the morning light.

Woven

We weave our own fate
by every step we take.
By every breath we take,
by every step we miss,
Our fate we create.


Tied tightly we are to these threads
bound by warp and woof
hands we know not
finger the strength of our lives
and snip the threads

As the string
pools on the floor
only then the tapestry
is reveled
What shall we see?

A masterpiece?
Or misery?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Serving my time

I don’t know what freedom is
I don’t know what love is
I don’t know who I am anymore

I don’t know what I am feeling
I don’t know what I am feeling

Numb, numb numb I am

I just don’t know
Where is hope?
Where is happiness?
Where am I?

Help.
I’m lost.
Numb.
Hurt.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

In You.

In you
all my passion
all my dreams
lay fulfilled.

In you, I see beauty
taste beauty, feel beauty.
You are beauty.

Your presence is grace.
your voice is melody to my ears
Your musky scent is an intoxicating perfume
that steals my senses

My soul leaps for joy
To be near you, life is brighter
the weight of the world is released
In you I find my contentment.
With you I find peace.

I cry out

Mistress of my soul
my very being cries out to you
I need you to see me,
need you to love me.

I am so miserable without you.
Each day the sun rises without heat
and the moon sets without light.
In darkness my life exists.

Oh Please, oh sweet Mistress
Touch me! Caress me in the recess of my soul.
I am bound to you for eternity.

I dream your essence.
In hope I continue on.
Will you?
Can you touch me?

Fulfill me!?

Pandora’s Box

Ouch.
I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to look there.
In the the blackness
of my soul.

I know
demons haunt the dark reaches
deadly peril is around every curve
and I

I am there. I am the darkness.
In the dank, swampy reaches of my mind
a soulless realm I am mired.

Held tight, strangled by inky thoughts
mangled intentions, and rage.

Don’t open.
Just don’t open
and let fly out those
regrets, hurts and pains.

Just don’t open.

It waits not

True Love passed me by
ages ago and I didn’t even know.
Looking back I can see the footprints
as we walked side by side in time.

Love passed me by,
just as I was afraid it would.
Too bad only now I realize
what it was that I had felt leave.

Too fearful. Too afraid.
self-fulfilling prophecy
Am I not deserving of love?

I believe in LOVE. I Believe!
But it passed me by.
Before I realized.

bonds unbroken

I understand.
I know.
that secret that you have held deep inside.

It matters little to me.
I’ve seen your flaws.
Your problems, your insecurities,
It is a cover up.

I see you.
As you really are.
You don’t think I do.
I know YOU.
You let me in long ago.

Nothing has changed my love for you.
Time could not change it.
I could not change it.
You will not change it.

Love is eternal.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

To breath each breath is a prayer of thanks to Gaia.

I am awed by the sunrises and sunsets. I am awed by the universe itself. I am awed by being alive and here to enjoy this life I have. I feel great joy inside my heart finding peace. To breath each breath is a prayer of thanks to Gaia. To blink my eyes and see, a heartfelt thanks to Creation. For each moment is less that a blink in the life of the universe and I am such a small part of One whole. Such wonders are mine to behold, so beautiful this world truly is. One day I will return to Gaia's breast to be reborn and I will enter into to her rest and comfort.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Thoughts of Gaia

Mother Earth, My Lady, the Divine Mother, Provider of Sustenance, The deep swell of water, The Woman of the Green Veil, The Immortal Queen, She who is with us always, Consort of the Heavenly Bodies, Wife to the Celestial Helios, Our Lady Gaia, Our Mother, Lover, Sister, and Grandmothers, Our first Mother, First Woman and Ancestor.

She who is the divine Earth in all it's majesty, raw power and ferociousness. She who is soft, yielding fruitfulness, abundance in good measure. She is the fertile earth, soft, black, moist and warm. Just quivering under the plow, awaiting for the fertile seed and the warmth of the summer sun.

She is both the mother and the daughter. She is the generations of women, as we march through time. She is our past and our future. She is My Sister, My Mother, My Aunt, My Daughter, she is My life. She is every women I've ever met and will ever meet. She is womankind. The Immortal Mother, Queen, and Lover. She is Warrior and poet. She is Ursula protecting her own cubs, the wild terror of a tornado, the amazement and beauty in the golden fields of wheat.

Oh how can I not respect such a resplendent creature such as this? Oh the world has forgotten thee and give such dishonor.



written:09:10:2008

Prisoners of War IV- VII

IV
The only questions - why?
never to be answered for it
can not be. It is
as it is - never to change.

In the mists of conflict
we can grow stronger - such a
false idea. Can you not
see that we are destroyed?

Generations old, full of pain
and understanding hate, can not
fully correct the wounds
of our ancestors, much less ours.

Why do I hate you? My mother
hated you, and my father and all my
generations hated you. But,
do I - how can I not?

We are alike in many ways.
Hate binds us together, love drives
us apart. Our differences
are our similarities; You and me.

V
The reasoning's of war - sunlight,
moonlight, a deity, a oak,
a German Shepard, my mother, that
pencil, twenty-five cents.

The reasoning of hate - everything.
The reasoning of love - everything
How much closer can it be and
still be so far apart?

You and me - If it weren't for this
hate me would be friends,
we would be content as friends.
Would our mothers be?

History contends to repeat itself:
hate based on history - what
your family did or did not. Do you
tend to repeat history?

Are you cruel like your ancestors? Will
you kill me like that solider
grandfather of yours? close down
my shop - Your uncle?

VI
I don't want to take the risk.
My life is too precious to trust
you or your family for
generations. You are dangerous.

Never can forget what happened.
Never again will it happen. I
won't allow it. Nither will
my family; my children has been taught.

Shame is this - we can not
learn together, grow together, and
be friends. This is our
plight, our shame, our sorrow.

God, take pity on us - we
destroy each other. Where is the love?
Why such complete distrust -
why so much hate in us?

Fighting onward for everything,
never looking back, twisting our souls
and minds. Destroying our
perception, destroying everything.

VII
The forest burns bright
and the light shines
out over the world, the smoke
of destruction covers.

Life burns with acid smoke,
billowing into the sky,
buildings fall under the weight
of the billion dead.

Death becomes our final resting
place, seeing that we
in life could find no place
in peace to rest our head.

Prisoners of War I- III

I
The forest burns with bright
and the light,
Burning throughout time
never going out.

Life burns as it dies
it's acid smoke
clouding reason now
always choking out.

Death brings together
us in our time
as life obscures forever
altering our hate.

One Molotov cocktail we
drink, extinguishing the
flames of discord, fanning
the flames of unity.

War in the Cities, in the minds,
in the schools, everywhere
not escaping, not taking
Prisoners of War.

II
Buildings crumble, fall apart
distortedly showing just how
for apart we are
always, alone: always in fear.

Our minds can not understand
other each now; why - why not,
the gulf of humanity
gaping wide swallowing you and me.

Burn - it burns us, War - it
creates war in us, hate - we
become it. Not a way
out of it for the lack of compassion.

Compassion, they don't know it.
It does not exist out there. In the
out only manipulation and wants
exist - the same as warfare.

All lacking the item to save,
to redeem the souls of the lost,
not in war can they see
what is lost - it is not the buildings.

III
Twisted over the urban battlefield,
souls fail to know how
and finely why: Ghosts of
perception scream out.

Scared, blacked, and wrecked
beyond recognition, they drift
between the alleyways and streets -
skeletons of humanity.

How many are there - lost, gone into
the haven of hate. How
many perpetuate the war, a
urban war unlike any other.

The Molotov cocktail tossed,
crashes and burns destroying
human achievements, it's path
clear as our hate for each other.

What is it that we are doing,
what has set us on this path.
The lost ones lost forever, how
can it be? Not as we want it.