Trail blazer, star bright
like a comet in the night,
hitter come and hitter gone
as far as dragons roam along.
Never-ending dreams a man
of a magical land.
By thy will
this life is lived
with love and passion
deeply fulfilled.
Upon this twilight of a new dawn
one’s man’s life
reflects it all.
Dragon hearted and loyal too,
This world will miss you.
Isaac Bonewits, may your star burn forever bright.
Heal me please.
Oh please ease a little pain.
Oh Lord take away my torments
dress my mortal wounds.
My heart greaves me so
ripped apart by so many.
I am open. I am torn.
I hurt deep down inside.
My belly retches, an sick
Oh Please ease this – this burden
for I cannot carry it all.
I am drowning underneath it.
Oh Lord grant me please if nothing
else strength to bear it all
so that I not cower
under it all.
Grant me love.
Oh Lord please
grant me……wholeness.
I want to be whole.
written: Oct. 11. 1999
I startle at unexpected sounds.
Quick unknown movements race my heart.
I never feel safe.
I watch everyone. Everyone is a danger
to me. I don’t know who they are.
I want to be left alone. I want to be safe.
Safe was innocence long ago.
I am not safe.
Someone is out there
who wants to me harm again.
He is out there waiting, as I wait
inside – in the dark, with the unexpected
sounds and the sudden movement of shadows.
I don’t dream, I nightmare.
I live in perpetual terror.
Somewhere he is out there – waiting.
I terror.
Written: Nov. 2. 1999
In the hidden darkness
awaits,
a pain
I’m afraid to face.
I hear it scream,
and scream and scream.
Primal. Horrified.
It screams on.
In the dark, there is no
silence.
In silence the darkness awaits.
I am chilled, frozen still
as I hear the horror.
It awaits me in the dark,
in the day, in the quiet,
in the noise; it waits.
It is so cold.
I am screaming.
Written: Oct 11. 1999
On June 25th, 2010,
A cold sun has risen in summer
and my heart is frozen with fear.
So soon,
I will be leaving.
soon you will be a
distant memory.
Tossed I am on stormy seas
yet I feel not the waves
nor hear the roar of wind.
Will you miss me?
like I have missed you?
will you think of me,
dream of me.
Rainbows fill the sky
yet all I see is gray stripes.
I feel no sweetness, no joy.
no heat, no cold.
Today I decided to leave you.
Today I decided I was done.
How do black clouds exist
with a cold summer sun?
May we be friends in the end
anything less is unbearable.
I’m still a romantic fool
to be so in love with you.
Still wishing that I had just
one last kiss goodbye.
Never will I forget
your arms wrapped around me.
Wishing I could stay in your embrace forever.
Wishing I never had to let you go.
This misery is mine to keep.
Your heart was never mine.
Tragedy mares my life and yours.
Each other’s pain of equal depth.
My soul sings to you,
a sirens' song,
irresistible
as before in ages long past.
Am I willing to be a part
of this your life?
Am I willing to set aside my pride?
What a miserable set of choices
before me; to go on painfully as before,
or lock and wall up my very soul
as a balm against this tragedy.
If I run, it is still there, hidden.
If I stay, it cannot be prevented.
Was the choice ever really mine to make?
How much more can I bear?
No matter what the sands of time brings
May we be friends till the end
for nothing less than that
I can bear.
I still love you and always have.
Love is eternal.
He has kissed my soft lips
He has touched the depths
of my soul.
He is unattainable.
Pain crosses my eyes
and he sees -
exactly how I feel.
He is unattainable.
We made love,
such unbelievable love,
on a clear moon-lit night.
He is unattainable.
He belongs to someone else,
not to I.
oh how I would wish.
He is unattainable.
I love him so.
written February 10 1997
